Today is my last day on a week-long vacation. It’s a real blessing to have such relatively-long off-work time. And this very fact is a problem!
I remember 3-4 years ago I’d often feel sad at the weekend because now I’m forced to stop doing the activities I loved, be it college projects, gatherings and believe it or not work. I remember me doing side-projects on weekends as if I was just playing a video game; I’d never notice the passing of time, nor the effort I spent on these projects.
I remember years ago when I’d even work on weekends just because that freelance gig is so interesting I actually love every second of working on it. Or I’m really enjoying the company of my work mates to the extent I spend the weekend with them. Much like a father movie character waiting for the weekends to finish that shelf. But now? It’s unfortunately completely different.
In my life I noticed there are two reasons to take a break (besides emergencies and what not):
- Pause, Have fun, Recharge, Reflect, etc…
The first one is sweet and understandable. Even if we had nothing to do for months we’d still get that urge of spending time breaking the routine (no matter how lazy it is). Much different from the other one, where I feel completely broken, worn out like a fainting kindle and I just can’t take it (sometimes physically) for even one more minute.
Now this is really bad, this means I’m
willingly? forced to do something that I dread, and hanging in there till I can no longer do it. I’m sinking my head in the tub for seconds before I automatically pull out my head so as not to drown…and die.
This will not end with the secret elixir I’m afraid. And so are most of my writings. But I’ll end this praying I’m once again working while being not…sad, taking vacations only to pause, have fun, recharge, and reflect.